Valentine’s Day is approaching, and everywhere you look, there’s talk of love—romantic love, love for family, and, of course, self-love. But if you’re like me, and like many of us navigating life as neurodivergent parents, love can sometimes feel a little overwhelming. Between managing your own needs, supporting your kids, and juggling all the other responsibilities, carving out time for you can feel impossible.
But here’s the truth: Self-care isn’t selfish, even when you’re struggling to find the time or energy. As parents of neurodivergent children (or neurodivergent parents ourselves), we often put others first—our kids’ needs, their routines, their sensory preferences—but in order to truly support them, we need to care for ourselves, too.
Why Self-Care is Critical for Neurodivergent Parents
As someone with ADHD and autism, I know firsthand how easily it can be to lose track of what I need when my kids’ needs are so front and center. My 15-year-old with ADHD and ASD, my 5-year-old with ASD and hyperlexia, and my 3-year-old who’s expressive and dramatic—all of them require unique support. Sometimes, it feels like there’s not a second left for myself.
But the truth is, self-care isn’t about doing it all. It’s about finding those small, consistent moments that help you recharge and stay present for your family.
Self-Care Tips That Actually Work (Without Adding More to Your Plate)
Here are a few simple self-care strategies that can fit into your busy life, no matter where you are on your journey as a parent or neurodivergent individual.
1. Set Boundaries—Even Tiny Ones
We often feel the need to do it all, but setting small boundaries can help protect your energy. Whether it’s saying no to a phone call, stepping away for a 5-minute breather, or setting a limit on screen time for yourself, boundaries help keep your mental space clear.
2. Micro-Prioritize Your Needs
As parents, especially neurodivergent ones, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos. But taking just a few minutes a day to check in with yourself can make a big difference. Ask yourself: “What’s one thing I need right now?” It could be as simple as drinking a glass of water, listening to music, or sitting quietly in the bathroom for 2 minutes—whatever helps ground you.
3. Do Something Mindless (In a Good Way)
Sometimes, our brains need a break from all the high-energy tasks. Consider engaging in activities that don’t require a lot of thought or effort. Coloring, doodling, or knitting can help calm your mind and reduce stress without requiring too much mental focus.
4. Lean on Your Partner (When You Can)
My partner works nights, which means I’m often managing the evening routine alone. But when I can, I make sure to lean on him during the day for small breaks. Whether it’s him taking over for a bit while I sneak in a bath or just a quick check-in, asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Instead of focusing on what didn’t get done (because let’s face it, there’s always something), take a moment to celebrate what did get done. I’m always proud of myself when I can sit down for five minutes with a cup of tea without being interrupted—those small moments are victories.
How to Use February’s Focus on Love for Personal Growth
With Valentine’s Day in the air, it’s easy to feel pressure to plan grand gestures or spend a lot of time on romance. But here’s a gentle reminder: Love isn’t just romantic. It’s about all the relationships we nurture, including the one with ourselves.
In fact, I find that February is a great month to reflect on your relationship with yourself and your family. Instead of focusing on big, fancy celebrations, why not focus on how to bring more peace into your day-to-day? How can you love yourself more, even in the chaos?
A Simple Practice to Try This Month: The Five-Minute Check-In
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, here’s a small, easy-to-follow self-care practice I’ve found helpful:
- Find a quiet space (even if it’s just in your car or the bathroom for a minute).
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
- Ask yourself: “What’s one thing I need right now? How can I give myself that in the next five minutes?”
- Listen to your body and emotions—if it’s rest, take a moment to sit; if it’s movement, stretch or walk around.
- Come back to the world after your five-minute break, feeling a bit more grounded.
Final Thoughts
Remember, self-care is a journey, not a destination. And as neurodivergent parents, our self-care might look different from what you see online. That’s okay. What matters is that you’re taking care of yourself in a way that makes sense for you.
So this February, whether you’re focusing on romantic love, family love, or self-love, take a moment to prioritize you. You deserve it.
What’s Your Favorite Self-Care Ritual?
Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear how you manage to keep up with self-care while raising neurodivergent kids and navigating the chaos of everyday life. 💜